having advised stars including Kate Winslet.Zita West is Britain It seems like only yesterday you were stressing about what to get him for crimbo and here you are again in the same present-buying minefield.what did you do? office chat Because other coupled-upers are sooooo competitive A private pod on the London Eye an overnighter in the room Kim Kardashian got engaged Suddenly your meal at the local curry house (because thats the only place that had a spare table) doesnt seem nearly so romantic 5 In an attempt at solidarity towards your single mates you feel obliged to bemoan about your other half and how rubbish he is at the whole romance thing By the time youve chalked up three anecdotes about his Valentines Day crapness youre starting to envy their singledom Whoops 6 Romantic meal a deux Make sure youve remortgaged your flat first Dinner out on Valentines day = overpriced aphrodisiac filled set menus ONLY You really did want to spend the best part of a months wages on a bottle of cheap sparkling wine and a plate of slightly warm oysters didnt you 7 That cosy little restaurant you went to on your first date suddenly resembles a cross between Nandos and the school dinner hall 8 In fact youre so close to the couple next to you when you bend over to retrieve your napkin from the floor your hair dangles in their lobster bisque 9 Youre barely half way through your langoustines a la love sauce (aka prawn cocktail) when the waiter reminds you hell need the table back in twenty minutes when the next suckers couple are due to arrive 10 Valentines night is full of couples not actually talking to each other Whether its the candles the tinkling lift music or the fact the table next to you can hear your every word suddenly youre not so much feeling the love 11 Forced romance Somehow the pressure to be romantic on Valentines day makes you want to do the opposite and pick a fight Wonder if there are any stats about couples who split up on V day 12 The haters Be prepared for the backlash from singles aimed at anyone who dare be loved-up on Valentines day Yes we understand it must be horrible having hearts and flowers rammed down your throat at every turn and were sorry Valentines Day makes you feel pants but its really not our fault 13 You cant NOT do something on Valentines when youre coupled up If youre single no one even asks what youre doing You have permission to stay home in your PJs watching re-runs of Breaking Bad But if youre loved up everyone assumes youll be doing something UH-MAZING unless of course theres something wrong in your relationship Gah14 No matter how much you promise yourself youll buy your other halfs card the minute they arrive in the shops on December 26th so you can have you pick of the best (read: least cheesy) youll still be squeezed into Clintons with the other last minute losers at 539pm the day before 15 On the plus side You can guarantee hell be doing exactly the same so at least you can rejoice in your crap cards with pukesville wording together Who said romance was deadLady Gaga's top 10 memorable momentsYou Didn't Expect Lady Gaga To Make A Quiet Comeback,
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