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16.02.2017, 12:40 - nieeshoes - Rank 6 - 1073 Posts
Lying, it turns out, is actually a sign of something good happening in the developing brain. Dishonesty requires some mental heavy lifting,
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, like figuring out what another person knows and how to use that information to your advantage. Many kids start experimenting with stretching the truth between ages 3 and 4. “In a way,
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, it’s almost like they’re exercising a new ability,” Talwar says. “ And part of that is,
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, ‘Mommy doesn’t know what I just did.’”
That thought sounds simple, but it’s actually quite profound. It means that a child is developing what scientists call theory of mind — the ability to understand the perspectives of other people and realize that those perspectives are sometimes different. It also means that a friend of mine who has put in years of hard work convincing her 5-year-old daughter that she is all-seeing and all-knowing may be out of luck soon. With a quickly solidifying theory of mind, her kid will wise up to her mom’s tall tale,
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, if she hasn’t already.
For the rest of us parents who can’t maintain an elaborate charade like that,
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, Talwar says the key is to create an environment that fosters truth-telling. “One of the most important ways to encourage honesty is to acknowledge it when you see it,” she says. If my daughter had answered yes to my ridiculous question, I should have thanked her for telling the truth before addressing the hitting. “Make sure they understand that you’ve appreciated that bit,
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,” Talwar says.
Another strategy to minimize lies,
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, as simple as it sounds, is to ask your kid to tell you the truth. Sweet little children,
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, bless their hearts, just might comply, as a study from Talwar and colleagues suggests.

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