A kid's pain

This pain was completly new to him. It was sharp, a little hot and
there was
nothing to do about it. When he stroke over the little wound, it hurt
so much
he had to wince and when he dared to press it – suddenly there
where  big
crocodile tears in his eyes and he felt like crying out loud.
Sam lay in his bed, the scratchy blanket over his small body and a
crumpled
pillow under his head. The room, where he and Dean had gone to bed two
hours
earlier, was drenched in darkness. His big brother wouldn't fall
asleep until
Sam faked his sleep und had breahted just like he had  fallen  asleep
– the
young boy knew that Dean always felt responsible for him and coulnd't
sleep
right when Sam wasn't  sleeping himself. So his only opportunity was
to fake his
sleep. But there was no way he could fall  asleep right now. The pain
was
killing him and like the night before, he was almost crying. Everytime
he was
just a second away from the beckoning sleep, he felt the hurt and let
out a
suppressed groan of pain. He shifted in his bed, again and again, and
fought
against the impulse  tojump out of the damn bed and go straight to his
big
brother, who would ease the now nearly unbearrable pain and would
whisper these
calming words into his ear. Then he would begin to rock him a little
and a few
minutes later, he would  have fallen into a deep sleep. Like the other
days when
he  got injured on a hunt. But this was different. This wasn't the
result of one
of these hunts – he himself wasn't on many hunts anyways. He
just found out
the truth about monsters and the 'job' of their dad, so their father
– and
often his brother as well – went  on hunts alone. But sometimes,
Sam went with
them and sometimes he got hurt. And  there was always Dean who made
him feel
save and content despite the pain. But this – this was so much
worse. And
because this horrible pain wasn't a result of a damn hunt, he didn't
dare to
wake his brother. He coulnd't explain the wound, couldn't explain the
pain
itself – he just knew that it was terrible and that he couldn't
sleep due to
that pain.
The cushions under his head  were a little damp, and he wondered
whether it was
clammy because of sweat – even a 8-old boy sweats when he was
hurting – or
because of blood. And that was the point where the dull ache reached
the point
of culmination and the cushy dread became an incredible fear – a
fear a boy
uses to experience, when he doesn't know what's going on and when he
is forced
to suffer from heretofore unknown pain. This was the point when Sam
let out a
desperate sob just to press his hand horrified onto his mouth a second
later –
but that just increased his pain and he couldn't hold the tears from
his eyes
anymore.
„Sam?“ he heard his brothers muffled voice. „Sammy,
you 'kay?“.
The addressed bit his lower lip and lay his hand back to his side, on
the
blanket.
„Yeah...yeah, I just thought I would fall down some stairs. In
...in a dream,
you know?“
„Hm...'kay. Go back t'sleep, Sam.“
Despite the darkness, Sam nodded and bit  on his lower lip again to
keep his lip
from trembling. He had to pull himself  together. When he was old
enough to hunt
monsters, he also could  overcome such a freaking little pain. Not
that the pain
was really that little. And not that Sam felt really  grown up right
in this
moment. To tell the truth he felt like a damned little boy, really
childlike.
And he just felt the rising lump in his throat again, and the tears
hadn't
stopped running down his cheeks yet. He sqeezed his eyes shut and bit
his lip a
little bit more – and that was a mistake, because the pain that
somehow had
damped because of the first sob, came back again with such a cruel
intensity
that he couldn't held the next sob back – and this time, he
didn't press his
hand onto his mouth, but turned his head to the wall beneath him and
let the
tears run, his little sweaty hand turned into a fist.
„Sammy!“ the now louder voice of Dean startled him a bit
– because it was
nearer closer than he thought. His brother had jumped out of the bed
within one
short second and was on the side of his little brother's bed within
another
second.
„Sam, my god, what is it?“
Sam moved his head to his brother and his eyes, full of tears, looked
into
Dean's face – where he assumed his brother's face to be in the
darkness. He
opened his mouth, but he didn't dare to speak. What if....no, he
didn't want to
think about that.
„What is it, Sammy? Jeez, say something!“.
Sam watched his brother crouching down to him and searching his arm.
Once found
he felt Dean's slight squeeze and this touch was enough to break the
barrier
completely. He sobbed again, a little louder this time, and lay his
free arm
over his eyes. He was such a wuss, Dean has been right all the time.
„Sam...!Talk to me! Was it a nightmare? Are you hurtin' ,
Sammy?“
Sam coulnd't just not answer, he couldn't hear the worry in Dean's
pleading
voice. He moved his arm back to his side and  looked straight into
Dean's face,
which was hidden in the darkness of the room. Was his brother smiling,
or was he
pissed? No, Dean would never be pissed when Sam was crying. Sometimes,
yeah, but
he wouldn't show it to his little brother. Not like that.
„Shall I switch on the light?“ he heard his big brother's
question.
„No!“ he said a little too loud. No light. Mayber there
was blood
everywhere. And he didn't want to see blood. He didn't want his
brother to see
it. And he didn't want his brother to see him so pathetic. He wanted
to be a big
boy – just once. But despite this thoughts he grabbed Dean's
hand on his arm
and squeezed it. Dean didn't say anything. Maybe he was searching
something in
the darkness, searching his little brother's face to see those tears.
Maybe he
was just waiting for Sam to say something.
„I....I just...“ , Sam began quietly , „...I'm
hurting a li'll....“
He saw Dean shifting and squeezed harder. Dean shouldn't leave. He
didn't, he
resqueezed his little brother's hand and braced his other arm on the
edge of the
bed, leaned closer into his brother.
„Where, Sam? Where are you hurt? Was it the last hunt?“
Dean's voice was a
little raspy and he whispered the words. Maybe Sam should whisper ,
too. Maybe
Dad was back and needed to sleep.
„No. Not from a hunt. It's...I don't know...“
„You don't know? Sam, this is important. Tell me. I wanna know,
I really
should know!“
Sam blinked the coming tears away and squeezed Dean's hand harder. He
was afraid
of telling his brother what was going on. Because – he didn't
really know
himself what was going on. And maybe, when he was talking to
much....but he had
to tell Dean. That one he knew. So he had to risk it.
„There ist...there is something with my mouth, Dean....“
Sam confessed.
„Something's not right in there...I...I'm...“ he felt his
lower lip
trembling once more and squeezed Dean's hand as much as he could. It
was just
like the wound knew that he was talking about it, because the sharp
pain came
again and he was close to tears once more time. But there it was, the
calming
down, the longing for the  calming voice of his big brother.
„In your mouth? Something's not right with your mouth?“
Sam nodded despite the darkness but was sure that Dean had noticed it.
He knew,
what Dean's next step would be. He would examine the wound very
quickly, say
that it wouldn't be a bad one, then lay into his bed, let him cuddle
against his
side. And then he would say those calming words, stroke his hair and
Sam would
fall asleep  in no time. But to Sam’s amazement and horror, Dean
did no such
thing. He just moved his hand from Sam's away, stood and watched over
him.
„Hm. Your mouth, you said.“

Sam felt the rising lump in his throat again. Oh god, Dean had  no
idea what
they were dealing with. That's wrong, he always did. Dean knew
everything.
„Sammy...is that hurting wound IN your mouth?“
The adressed heard a note of great disbelief in his brother's word and
his heart
sank into his knees.
„...yes...yes, Dean. It's...it's hurting so much and...I
can't...do anything
about it“. The tears were running  over his cheeks again and he
had to force
himself to whisper; and not to yell the answer.
„You think there is anything to do 'bout it?“ he heard his
brother.
What the hell? Why did his brother do this to him?
Sam shifted in his bed , propped himself up a little. Braced on his
elbow he
searched his big brother's face.
„...Dean...you know what to do, right? Please, Dean!There is
something in my
mouth...you...you have to do something about it! I tried to stay calm,
I tried
not to cry...I…I tried so hard, but I...I don't know what is
is...Dean!“
He fell back on his back and sobbed, his arm over his eyes again. And
suddenly
Dean was crouching on his side again, his hand on Sam's arm.
„Sssshh....Sammy, ssshhh...I was just kiddn'g little bro'!! Of
course I know
what to do...Aw, Sammy, there's no reason to cry!“ he whispered.
Sam tried to stop crying and moved the arm that hid his eyes, away.
„Nno...no
reason? Yeah..but it hurts!“
„Ssshh...I know it hurts, I know this sort of pain, dude!“
Now Sam was confused and the tears stopped running down his face.
„You...you know it?Wh..Why?“
„'Cause, li'll bro' it's just normal“
Sam heard the notorious smirk in this simple sentence and he
immediately wanted
to laugh. Although he didn't know what his brother was smirking about.
Normal?
“That's...that's normal? This pain is...normal?”
“Yeah, Sam. Let me guess....it's not your mouth that's hurting
– it's a
tooth, right? Uh, wait, not the tooth, but the gingiva around it,
right? And it
feels like your whole mouth is on fire and you just want this tooth
out – but
when you touch it, there are tears in your eyes and you just wanna
cry.
Right?”
Sam said nothing. His brother had just explained the pain he was going
through
the whole last freaking three days. He almost needed half a minute to
speak
again.
“...yeah...yeah, it's like that...”. He knew, that his
brother was smirking
again and felt like beeing betrayed.
“So...so, you can help me, Dean?” he whispered.
“Yeah. I can. I really can.”
Sam was  relieved like you wouldn't believe.
“But shall I? It will hurt, Sammy.”  And his heart sank
again to his knees.
But he nodded – and Dean noticed.
“'kay. Listen Sammy – I need you to tell me which tooth it
is. So I can
reach the right one and don't pull out the wrong tooth...so
you...” -
“Wait, what? You wanna pull out my tooth?” Sam said a
little too loud,
alarmed by Dean's cruel plan. He heard a small laughter of his big
brother.
“Yeah, Sammy, this tooth has to go! You know, there'll be
another one!
There'll grow the next tooth, a bigger one. The kind of tooth adults
have. Like
I have.” 
“Like you? There'll be a tooth just like you have one?”
“I have some of them – all your teeth are gonna be
replaced by the second
ones. It's just normal, Sam”
“Oh.”
“What oh?”
“So this toothfairy has something to do with that?”  Dean
didn't say
something for a few seconds.
“The toothfairiy? Well...yeah. Where you've heard that one
from?”
“A girl in school said to everybody that the toothfairy had
brought her a
dollar but she explained to everybody that her mum lay the money under
her
cushion. Thank god, 'cause I thought this toothfairy was
supernatural.”
Another pause.
“Well...yeah, the toothfairy isn't supernatural. She doesn't
exists. Parents
sometimes lay something under your cushion when you’ve lost a
tooth.”
Dean hadn't moved from his crouching position but now he shiftened a
little and
squeezed Sammys hand.
“So when you pull out my tooth... - are ...dad or....you gonna
lay something
under my pillow?”
A pause again.
“Dunno, Sam. Maybe I will.”
Another shift.
“Why not dad? Uh, what will he say tomorrow when I show him that
my tooth is
out of my mouth?”
“He'll say 'Finally'.”
“Yeah? So...I'm  losing my teeth uncommonly late?”
“I dunno. No. Don't think so.”
Another shift.
“What is it Dean? Why are you talking in such short sentences?
Is it 'cause of
the toothfairy?”
Oh god, he told Dean about the other girl’s parents, like they
lay something
under her pillow...maybe it is because we have no mom...
“...Dean, I'm sorry...I didn't want to mention something like
that”
A pause.
“Uh. What? Mention what?”
“This girl's parents, I...”-
“- nevermind, Sammy. So do you want me to pull this damn tooth
out or
what?”
Sam sighed. Yeah. He wanted this damn tooth out of his mouth right
now.
“Hell, yeah.”
“So, tell me which one it is.” Dean leaned forward and Sam
felt the warm
exhalation of his brother in his face.
“The left incisor...”
“'kay.”
He felt his brother's sqeezing hand moving to his now open mouth. He
stiffened
when the thumb of his brother touched the tooth gently.
“Jeez, Sammy, it's just a tooth. We  killed off a poltergeist
last week and
now you're whining 'bout a freaking tooth!”
“N'not whinin'!” he tried to say but he was interrupted by
Dean.
“Yeah, it's 'kay, Sammy....huh, Got the wobbly tooth!”
Sam felt it, his brother held the freaking tooth between thumb and
forefinger
and was waggling it...
“Geean! Stog it!”
He heard his brother laugh a little.
“Alright, lil’ bro'...so...I'll pull the tooth out
now...you're ready?”
Sam wanted to nod, but then he figured that wouldn't be a good idea.
So he
showed his brother in the darkness a thumb up. And his brother noticed
that
again.
“'kay. On three, alright”
Another thumb up.
“One....” - and there it was, a fast, short pull, a little
+plop+ , and a
subliminal taste of copper on the gingiva where his tooth used to be.
And a very
short pain – but that was nothing to the alleviation Sam felt
the second he
noticed that the tooth was out and the source of pain was now in
Dean's hand. So
the “Oooww, you said 'on three'” changed into a relieved
sight and his
tongue explored the now existinct hole, while he shot his eyes close
and took a
deep breath.
“Yuck” he heard his brothers disgusted voice and openend
his eyes. Dean was
holding Sam's tooth far away from him and finally lay it  on the
shabby bed
table on his side.
“Sam – that's cruel...I had to pull out my baby brother's
tooth...yuck.
Wouh. Yuck!”
Sam smiled – he knew that Dean wasn't serious, he just needed to
keep his
image. And maybe he was relieved, too.
“Yeah, Dean. I'm sorry.”
Dean shifted and braced himself on the edge of the bed.
“You better be, 'cause it's a torture to force big brothers to
do that!”
Sam's smile grew wider. Yeah. Right.
“'kay, Dean. So next time, I'll pull out your damn tooth.”
Again this small laughter, the sweet music in Sam's ears.
“Yeah, right.” A pause. “'kay, that's the deal.
You'll pull out my next
wobbly tooth”.
“Really? Oh great, man, that’s....wait. You won’t
have a next wobbly
tooth, right?”
That small laugher.
“No, Sam. My teeth are all second ones. That's pretty cool,
huh?!”
“Oh man...yeah,yeah that's pretty cool.” Sam felt the
tiredness come over
him. He closed his eyes and a small  sigh escaped from his lips. He
felt Dean
shifting next to his bed and he opened his eyes again.
“Dean?”
“Go to sleep, Sammy. The tooth is out.”
“Yeah...you too, Dean.”
Now this calming thing, their little ritual after every single hunt,
had to take
place.
“You'll go to bed too, will ya?”
This small laughter.
“Yeah. No more hunts today. You're alright, lil’
bro'?”
“Yeah, and you, Dean?”
“Of course I am”
Sam closed his eyes and sighed again. He felt the gentle tousle of
his big
brothers hand  through his hair.
“G'night, Dean...and thanks” he mumbled.
The hand moved away and just a second before he fell into a deep
sleep, he heard
the most calming words of all, the voice that meant  safeness and
security to
him.
“It's okay, everything's fine. G'night, Sammy...”